Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Why I love the Mountain West

The following is a thing I wrote about 2 years ago while watching Thursday Night College Football on ESPN, and was inspired by a fraternity brother who originally gave me the idea. It is meant entirely as a joke, and I think it's good for a chuckle every once and a while.


Mountain West for BCS Champions
1st Draft- September 22, 2005
By Robbie Mays

The Mountain West is the best football conference in Division 1 Collegiate football. There are many reasons as to why this is, and many more reasons why I think the BCS champions should come from this division every year.

First of all, let me say I love how the Mountain West will play whenever ESPN will offer to put them on television. I believe the MW would play a game at 7:45 a.m. EST on Sunday mornings. Not only is the Mountain West so starved for attention, they want everyone in the country to know they are the best conference out there.

Next, most importantly, they never fail to not sell out the entire stadium. If you catch any MW game on a Thursday night, you will notice that there is plenty of room in the stadium for the crowd to spread out, and be able to sleep off that hangover they got from starting to drink at noon. I think all schools should stop selling tickets when they reach about 10,000 less than capacity.

Have you ever noticed how lopsided a Mountain West game can be? I just love watching one team run up 47 points in the first half. I think they should show every moment of the game because of this, and should never under any circumstances switch to Sportscenter to show clips of New Orleans Saints’ coaches complain about having to play a ‘home’ game at Giant Stadium in New York.

Finally, the Mountain West has superior athletes compared to the rest of the country. I mean, who wouldn’t want to play in a makeshift football stadium that doubles for a soccer stadium during the week. The painted over soccer lines are great on television, as it adds to d├ęcor of the half-empty stadium.

Oh yes, the Mountain West is the best conference in the land. From the great players and exciting last minute touchdown drives that allows the team to beat the 49 point spread, it’s an excellent division to show every week on Thursday night football.
Isn’t there a Seinfeld re-run on somewhere?

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Duh...

Yeah, they said it would happen if Jeff won and he did, so it did. Idiots threw debris on the racetrack after Jeff Gordon went to victory lane for the 77th time in his career, surpassing the 76 wins of the late 7-time champion Dale Earnhardt on what would have been Dale's 56th birthday at the track that is the center of Earnhardt Nation in the Aaron's 499 at Talladega on Sunday.

NASCAR, Talladega, and Law Enforcement officials declared leading up to Sunday's race that anyone caught throwing debris from the grandstands onto the racetrack would be arrested. 14 people were caught in the act, and were arrested and have been banned from buying tickets from Talladega Superspeedway to future events. Can they get someone else to buy the tickets for them? Sure.

People are made aware of others throwing debris on the track because the media says it's happening. If they don't want it to happen again, I have a simple solution:

STOP SHOWING THE BEER CANS BEING THROWN ONTO THE RACETRACK!!!

If you don't show it happening, people won't think they can get 15 minutes of fame from doing it and the problem will correct itself. Simple. Easy. Let's move on.

Furthermore, these people should not under any circumstance whatsoever declare themselves to be NASCAR fans. Anybody who insists on talking about this who has been an occasional NASCAR watcher for about 2 seconds need not talk about this. You sound like an idiot. Let's talk about David Reutimann's great run cut short by an engine problem. Let's talk about Michael Waltrip being fast enough to make the show but was sent home because of the top 35 rule. Let's talk about the great points battle that's shaping up. Let's talk about Matt Kenseth's 6th straight top 15 at Talladega. Let's talk about the fact that Mark Martin is still in striking distance of making the chase even though he has missed 3 races. Let's talk about racing, and not idiots.

And now, that is ALL I have to say about that.